Friend, Counsellor, Brother.....

Its been such a long time since I last wrote my blog...
So many things are happening; datelines have to be kept... and emotions managed...

I havent really been myself lately...
The cheerful, bubbly and talketive Andrew seemed to have became a shadow of his former self....

This month has been a terrible month for me... I have not faced such a terrible month before, nor such streneous pressure... Its suffocating me... not allowing me to breathe, but allowing a small bubble of air to keep me alive under torment...

Haiz.. I used to be cheeful and optimistic.... but with so many terrible events happening... it is hard not to become pessimistic...

Even now, as I write this blog, I have not slept properly for about 5 days already... I look at myself and realize that I havent been taking care of my health too... But no choice... Results comes first..

My group has finally completed our ICP project... it is going to take some time for me and timothy to recuperate before we can start on our next project...

I'm so thankful for Timothy... My closest friend and best confider... I dunno if I would be around if not for him... Over these 2 weeks I've been pouring out my sadness to him... and he took it and carried it as though it was his.... He helped me with my burden... and I belive, that is what Jesus would do too...
Our friendship strained too, as pressure and stress overtook my emotions... But he stood firm and comforted me when I was sad and listened to me when I was angry...
Though few people will ever be able to live the live that I lived, Timothy is one of the even rared few that tries to comprehend it...
Timothy.. if you're reading this blog... I just want to thank you for being my friend, no matter where we go in life, I will never forget.. You have a big part in whatever good my life is to the world...

I can give you more then a testimonial for our friendship... I will always treasure you as the Evengelist who shone God's light in the midst of my hopelessness and darkness...
Indeed, you are a shining example of God's love for mankind...

Remember you told me that you are not perfect? Remember this, when Jesus told Peter to feed his Sheep, He was not telling him that he was perfect...

May the light of the One who loves us so shine upon our friendship such that it will pull us through every difficulty and trials

Once again, thank you my friend, brother, counsellor and teacher, thank you - for being the answer to my prayer...

PokEmon!! Gotta CaTCh Em aLL!! 

Hmmmm... been a long time since I wrote a proper blog...
Its amazing how time can be so slow when you are sad and depressed...

Recently our group has been facing alot of turmoils...
People blocking other people on MSN...
Cold wars....
Plasticism...

Actually it seems rather wierd to go to such measures because of a small incident...
but... well... i duno...

DTP project was completed with a bang.... yupz.. literally a bang - I fell off the chair in the DTP Media and Comm Studio, again... yes
haha... but i guess Doris was quite pleased with our effort... but i think Jiawei's group will be the top I guess... Jiawei is a brilliant advertiser...

haha.. recently Timothy has been beraided by me....
lolz... Well... Listening to all my problems can be a burden to him also...
But he is a pretty good psychologist... ... or psychiatric =D

Squall squall squall... nah... not a good time to enter my life...
I'm already down with frequent mood swings and well... its not jus nice to be me...
Shattered... haha... nvm... I wont talk about this anymore...

I'm back to being Kyo

Hmm.... One of my closer church frenz is going to take over the entire youth worship team next year... and he is 16... somehow I feel uneasy for him... but no matter what, I will still back him up with my full force...

Campus Crusade has started mapping out and braingstorming their ideas for the Christmas Outreach... Its going ta be BIG BIG BIG.... and Timothy and me are part of the planning commitee... lolz.... another burden on our backs... haha..

Stress... Still got so many projects not done yet...
The thing thats stressing me most is ICP.... we've hardly even touched it yet....
hmmmmm........

Mood: Worried... Insommia (haha.. blame Coffee Bean)

To Squall.... if ever you read my blog...

To your sorrow, I will never return

To your anger, I was cheated

But, to your happiness, I am at peace

And to your faithfulness, I have never left

I cannot speak, but I can listen
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard

So as you stand upon the shore
Gazing at the beautiful sea, remember me
As you look in awe at a mighty forest
And its grand majesty, remember me

Remember me in your heart,
In your thoughts, and the memories of theTimes we loved,
the times we cried, the battles we fought and the times we laughed
For if you always think of me, I will have never gone...

=Kyo=

I tried remodifiying the picure.... hmm... not bad effect I can say so myself.... 

Nobody know what it is like to be me.... nobody

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ME...
nobody.. and I MEAN nobody...

To be torn apart between good and evil
To be seperated from love
and to have a past that never was in the first place...

Come on... I DARE anybody say they understand me... because NOBODY does.. NOBODY CAN... and NOBODY is unfortunate enough to go through what I went through...

I never had a childhood.....
I was brought up by a father who seemed like a distant high almighty emperer and a mother who seem to treat acadamics as greater importance then religion itself....

Brought up as the middle child....
Not having the power of the oldest child
Yet having to bare the responsibility of the youngest child
Not having the pampered lifestyle of the youngest child
Yet having to look at him getting the benefits of a spoilt brat...

My accomplishments are an empty bubble in a bid to find myself...;
Nobody thinks that they are of any worth...
Nobody thinks that I am of any worth...

I seeked the love a father can give...
and ended up going on the wrong track...
You tell me... He can heal everything...
BUT CAN HE GIMME BACK MY CHILDHOOD???

I want my childhood... i crave for it... i long for it...
but i know i will never get it back...

Everytime I see a beautiful family... I feel the pinch of envy...
Everytime I see a father hug a son... I feel the slash of hopelessness...

Why can some people have such a beautiful family... while others dont?
Why do some children have to suffer because of what their parents did?

I am not born with looks... i know....
I am not born with charisma... i know....
I am not born into a happy family... i know...

Why do I have to meet the person who had everything I wanted...
and why am I becoming everything I did not want to be?.......

My emotions kill me... my heart is dying slowly... my mind is aching....

... and my past is the torture chamber...

The torment I go through... is seeing happiness given by a family... knowing that I will never have such...

Can I only be who I want in my dreams?...
I wanna die... I really wanna die....

Its so unfair... Love, money, family, friends, looks, God.... How much more can a person ask? How much more perfect can a person be?

Dont you ever wish.... you were someone else?

...I do...

You're like an angel. As everyone knows, angels
dwell in heaven. They were desribed as shining
ones wearing white and the idea that they have
wings is believed as well. Guardian angels are
the ones that many people think are dead loved
ones who try to protect the living friends or
family they have on Earth. They usually had
blonde hair and maybe brown with flawless
appearance and sweet dispositions. They were
cheerful, hopefull, selfless, loving, and kind.
Angels are the one mystical creature that a
majority of people truly believe in. Encounters
with angels are poping up all over the world
and reassuring people's beliefs in angels. (If
you cannot see the picture, go to my userpage
and look near the bottom. There should be the
picture and description for all the results)


What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a "Green Angel". You're one person
who is extremely protective of people around
you (especially your friends) and you'd end up
as a gaurdian angel. You're stronger than most
and aren't ashamed to show it. People know how
tough you are and don't dare to mess with you
when you get mad. You're real close with your
friends and couldn't live wihout them so even
in heaven, you want to help them. You know
they'd want you as a gaudian angel and you'd
love to be able to ensure safety of your
friends for yourself because you're on of those
"If you want something done right, do it
yourself" kind of person. (If you cannot
see the picture, go to my homepage and scroll
down near the bottom. I have the results from
all my quizess that have pics)


What Color Angel Are You? (PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Finally finished my OJ project 

For the Love of a Father...

There was a boy who never knew the love a father gives

Raised by his mum in anger for the man who left his kids.

The moment came in growing up,

when gates wwere open wide.

And the boy whose heart was wounded

walked to the other side.

His appetite for nurture,

to be given by a man

Had been left an empty vacuum

as he roamed about the land

He tried to stroke himself in closets,

hidden from the light.

but it never satisified him,

so he wondered into the night

Looking for the man who would make him feel complete,

he gave himself to do things that some would never speak

It always started with hope that his heart would heal

But each encounter broke him and left him ill.

Dying for affection which he wrongly sought in men,

he turned to others thinking they would understand

Instead they told him Sodom burned

for the things he had done.

"How could you hurt your family so?

You're such a sorry son''

Angered by the social pride that turns from darker things

The boy swore to desecrate the palaces of kings.

He bound himself in common course as he

who suffered long the anguish of public mockery

Parades were formed and marches were made

showing off their defiance

Hand in hand, in open view,

the stood in bold alliance

Supposeing they would win the day

and got what they wanted

They entered into loud debate

and publicly they pleaded

"Equal rights! We are deprived!

Treat us true and fair!

Your moral rules are meaningless

To them we do not care!"

The people, inflammed by fear

polarized their cause;

civil strife erupted throught

the breaking of God's laws.

What they had hoped would give them peace provoked a war

And a nation known for tolerance these things would now abhor

... and a boy who never knew the love of a father

Died a victim of a disease whom no one would bother

The answer to this problem lies within the heart of those

Who are filled with Christ's compession for the travellers who wrongly chose

We can heal their broken bodies

and restore their fallen hearts

If we'll only stop judging

by how they fell apart...

The little boy who never knew,

and yet became a man...

Can feel the love of Chrst in you if you would hold his hand...

Help him recover from the darkness of his fall -

For the love of God gives freedom unto all who will call...

Andrew

Kyo_17

KoF Rugal Bernstein when he was a good guy.... sigh.. dunno why he must become bad... 

Tidus - He is pronounced as TEE - ders 

My own wallpaper edited... =X nice? 

Squall and Rinoa... How I wish.. I was Rinoa..... sobz....  

Emotional Week........ Really emotional week,... Sad sad sad sad sad...

It will heal...
There is now nothing I feel...

Confused, bewildered, heartbroken....

I made the biggest mistake I made since June.... I looked back on my past...
Its been so long since I gave my heart to another person...
and as usual... it fell not to outstretched arms, but cold heart floor....

Shattering to a thousand pieces... I'm left alone to pick up the pieces...
Is it to much to ask?... to be loved... to feel loved....
I feel so alone... so lonely... so cold...

As I pick up each of the broken pieces, each piece pierces me.....
But I have no choice... I still want to live...

Soon I will freeze my heart again... and this time... when it freezes... I will definately seal it for a very very long time...

This week has been a really really emotional week for me...

I've lost my touch with reality when I focused so hard on reality...
Projects, friends, and... love....

Barely even 24 hours after I just cried for 7 hours in a row... My fren got irritated with me...
I dunno.. instead of comforting me... he said that he felt intimidated... because I was feeling sad?!!
I really dunno wad I to say...
He treasures his CSCC friends more then us... I just realized that we are just normal friends to him... and worse still he is drifting away...

My emotions were anger at first, then sadness and disappointment....

Within this week we were rushing like hell for the 4 projects which dateline is coming up very soon... We tried to do so much... but its just not enough...

I hope we'll be able to finish a neat project in time...

My emotions were stress, fear and worry......

Within my emotions that I felt this week, my heartbrokeness is the most visible... I lost my heart, I lost my love...
Every other emotion pales in the light of this...
So hurt... I injured my own heart... I cant belive it.... Not again....

5 days has passed, I spent 4 hours talking to myself, 3 nights crying myself to sleep, talk to 2 frenz about it, and felt like 1 idiot...

haiz... My emotions were sadness, heartbrokeness..... just mostly sadness... the epitome of sadness...

Sad... I'm just so sad.....
Each tear that drops down onto my keyboard is an invisible hand reaching out to heal my broken heart...
I must have cried a billion tear drops by now....

My New Tag 

Squall........ Squall Squall Squall Squall....... 

Live Carefree!!

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone!!

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, whether in splendor or behind a mask of clouds. But it will rise. Until it does we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day: Today. Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is when you and I add the burdens of two awful eternities – yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down.It is not necessarily the experience of today that disturbs one’s peace of mind.

It is often time the bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Let us therefore live one day at a time.

Andrew

KyO_17

Falling.....

I dunno what is happening to me...
Haiz... I fail myself many times... and I fail God even more...

I cant help it... I cant stop myself from thinking... I wish I could....

My terrible past... I guess there are quite a number of people who knows already... I thought I could escape, I could turn and walk down the correct path once again... But the tug is so strong.....

Haiz...

Tomorrow I'll be embarking on the campus crusade camp... Hope I will learn something out of it...

Mood: Haiz.....